Thoughts mean nothing

I replay and replay the song again and again, allowing the memories to flood back to me Why do I force myself to endure the pain and agonies of memories of 2010 October for example, when the scent of sweat, chlorine and deodorant are blindingly obvious. My chins wobble and I cry. Cry over 10 out of 20. When the song plays in the gym I sing along softly. I listen to hear any sniggering from the extreme fit woman on the bike. Nothing. Must be their off-day today. ( the script, for the firt time). (nicki minaj - save me) My sister sings along to it, and my tightly pulled back hair is agonizing on my scalp. This song causes many memories and always reminds me of one thing- stress. The stress of being best, being the model child at home, school and extra mural activities. (Adele - chasing pavements) Adele is right. Should she keep on or just keep on chasing pavements? This reminds me of the terrible 2011, still the vulnerable fat girl, everyone's punch bag - in a verbal way. (nicki minaj - Marilyn munroe ) "we all make mistakes". This sentence has such a grip on me it's scary. Just like everything. I get hooked on everything these days. Welcome to my life. Sorry for the tear stained confessions. Hannah

Story to 200!!!

"I need this relationship . I need you."
"Really?" He'd told me this a thousand times. His voice was repeating in my mind.
"Yes, really." He looked in my eyes with his turquoise ones. I felt my heart melt.
"Then why....why..." I turned away from him, as my eyes flooded with salty tears. I couldn't bring myself to say those words- cheat.
"Oh, for goodness sake's woman! You cry all the time! Man up!" His harsh words slapped my self-esteem and I had to choke back more tears.
He slapped his head and ran to the bedroom, shoving his clothes into a suitcase. I lingered in the doorway, unsure of what to do.
"I'm out," he said, slamming me into the doorway. As I heard the door slam I sunk down and sobbed.
My life was over on my 25th birthday.

Guys, please help me. I need 200 viewers and then I'll post a video blog. I need all your help in advertising.


Thanks, Hannah

Heya!

Sorry guys, don't worry, I haven't abandoned you guys. Life has just been REALLY REALLY REALLY
REALLY REALLY REALLY busy.

And my moment of free time is used on my blackberry.


Right now I feel like having a breakdown.

Now why, you may ask, a twelve year old is  having  breakdown?


Because simply, when you're me, you try to multi task. You put so much pressure on yourself.

Finally!

I HAVE COMPLETED A WHEN/IF!!

I got a Blackberry!

Na-na-na-na-naa! I have a Blackberry! Tralala-a!

Well, maybe you have one yourself (highly likely) than you can
happy dance with me!!!

PIN: Not tellin' you! Other wise I'll get all these strange stalker freaks.

So far my feelings for this week....I'm not sure. I'm having a taste of teenage hood with mood swings.
Groan...This is going to be a long 8 years....


Not enough time to say anything else.
My life's been boring, how about yours?
Comment!
Hannah

Groan. It's Monday.

Blah.  Yay!
It's the worst  best day of the week. !
 Stupid Happy Monday!
How was your Monday?
Mine was a real surprise!

TERRIBLE.
 
Now isn't that such a surprise?

Here's part of my latest chapter.
"Chapter 13- Be my escape

I can't believe it.

I'm watching my sister's memorial service, and I realise how much I miss her. Her smile, her laugh, just her. But now she's gone. Dad is speaking gravely into the microphone. Lindsee looks pale, Leo has lost weight, Lynn is staring at the ribbons and flowers on Wil and my old chairs like it's the most interesting thing in the world.

Written on the projected screen is :

Charlotta and Wilma

1998- 2012 1998- 2010

You will be missed

I want to laugh, but my eyes are stuck on the screen. Somehow the two connect and my mouth opens and closes like a goldfish.

"It was two years ago that we lost one of our twin girls to cancer. They were Leah's fourth pregnancy." His carrot head made everything about him seem slightly comical.

"Charlie was my little girl. When I had I fight, she was there. She was amazing, an amazing child...." His eyes filled with tears and he stepped off the podium.

Mum nodded at him and stepped onto the podium. She's stifling a smile. She knows that I'm alive. She's enjoying this. She's dressed in a tight polka-dot silk shirt that outlines her muffin top. Her navy blue skirt is tight on her hips and she quells another smile. Professionally she changed her face to a somber expression. "I can't even imagine life without my girls. They are so important to me..." Distractedly ,as a servant handed me a sandwich, my teeth clamped over it, letting the nutrients sink in into my mouth and down, down into my growing stomach. I had been comfort eating. I glanced at Lindsee. She was wearing a black maternity dress, only giving us a sneak- peak of he baby bump. He hat was tilted and her face went very red for a second. Then her face went pale. She gave Leo (in too tight morning dress- totally un-suitable) a little kiss and a whisper in his ear. He got up and picked her up. He took her to the limo. The camera focused on them. The commentator's voice was exactly like he was talking for a tennis match. "And that's Diana, known as Lindsee, with her boyfriend Leo..."

A shot of realization shimmied down my spine. She was in labour!

You like?

Then tell me!

Mwah, Hannah

................

Right now I'm listening to my dog licking herself, my mom telling my sister about Hitler, and my head
buzzing.
I am a writer.
Ok, that was just stating the obvious. But to be honest with you, today I feel
happy and ready for the half-week ahead of me.
I feel ready to zoom ahead of everyone in the gala on Friday and be waving at them from the
end of the pool. (Unlikely).
I feel like I'm in the driver's seat for once.
Even though dad's/ Sims computer MELTED, I feel at peace. Zen, as I said in a few other posts.
I feel like I'm going to actually accomplish something in life.
To be honest, I feel like a movie star
                                                     ~Pic of the Week~

Ok, this is pretty funny.

A day in the life of....

I've read this on many blogs, so I decided to do this as well. (This will be the only post for the week)

~A day in the life of me~

As I wake up, mom has to put the timer on for me to get dressed. Otherwise I'll

relax on my bed reading a book, half dressed. Then usually I get dressed, wander around the
kitchen, and take some cereal. I'll slowly chomp it, probably daydream a little, until mom
breaks me into  the usual fast paced mornings. Then we dash of to school, Chloe ignoring all
conversation, her earphones shoved in her ears.
Yesterday we got our Cycle Tests back.
I was a tiny bit  worried at first. I felt a tiny pang of anticipation.
No. Think Zen.
Think calm.
So some how, I manage to nonchalantly carry on staring in my desk. Then ma'am calls me up.
The first mark I see, well, it's bad, for an A student.  I  draw in a sharp  breath. I thought I had done
so well!
Suck it up, cupcake! I thought.
But no, ma'am was pointing at a different paper.
I'll not tell you my mark.
Ok, well, it was good.
I will tell you I got full marks for the story section! :)
Got to go.
Being Zen,
Hannah